” Coated Filte…

” Coated

Filtered

Changed

Forever “

 

   

No See

If only he would look into my eyes
See my pain in the strength
If only he could see through the armour
And cradle me
If only he could see my skin
Holding on from peeling

If only he could see the sadness
from disbelief and shattered trust

If only he could see my emptiness
that I yearn to fill with feeling

If only he could see
What I hope so much for him
Regardless
Of what he sees in me

Accepting what is you

Untitled

 

A man who never judged me

but worried with frustration over me

Never stopping me

or tried to control me

But stayed up

working himself

into a ferocious frenzy

awaiting me.

 

A man who never showed me his struggles

his past sadness

his past hurts

i still feel lost without knowing.

 

Hiding behind his newspapers

buffering me from his thoughts and worries.

 

A man who let me carry out my decisions

as wrong as he knew it

who knew i could never have my wings clipped

but learn to fall

shatter

wings torn apart.

 

A man who loved me so

afraid to lose me

if ever i was cornered.

2009

” Part of me always wishes i could live the other sides of me .. “

My drug of sanity

You
Dare my heart and dare my mind
Caress my heart and emotions without touching me
Nurture my spirit
Make me feel me
and it’s ok to be me
Just by being beside me

132 days ago

Just to prepare him
So i may be free
from needs and wants
that destroy me
each moment each day

Living each day a mistake
of the heart
Continously
Painfully like a screeching car hitting a child
over and over again

Untouchable
Impenetrable
623 days
come fast go fast

Just prepare him
this darkness will never escape
and this will never be enough for me
i refuse to live this way

Finally
I get to be selfish

22 Aug 2012