NOT THIS PLACE

Ever been in a place meant to be home but you want to jump out of your skin?

To get away from yourself. Where it takes effort to remind yourself to walk straight.

Where whatever your eyes see give you no pleasure. Or what you hear is just words with no meaning.

Or what you feel is alienating… or is it just a low day where you need ice-cream?

Self clumsy but totally watched

Self conscious but invisible

Maybe you’re a nomad of the world.

A nomad that travels and tastes and lives different lives in different places.

Until one day you’ll find home

Within yourself.

Eyeing out at an airport

(here’s what i do every weekend travelling and being stuck at an airport. i can walk the airport blindfolded now.. but wouldn’t want to miss out noticing this below)

Inquisitive eyes; Wondering eyes

Eyes that shine, captivate, outforcing energy

Lost eyes, Self absorbed eyes; Seeking permission eyes

Eyes casting judgement

Eyes that sense all

Sad eyes

Eyes that seek distraction, eyes that want-others-to-see-it eyes

Eyes that listen; Eyes that don’t

Eyes that say without speaking

Eyes that shut tight but hear and feel

Eyes that fake ease and conversation though uncomfortable

Dead eyes Blank eyes Impotent eyes

Short sighted eyes; All-seeing eyes

Self important eyes; I-am-above-all eyes

Eyes that see through you; eyes that see into you

Eyes that cast downwards

Eyes that latch on; Eyes that seek mentor-guruship

Know-It-All eyes; Bulging eyes

Eyes that trust; Eyes asking for help; Eyes that cast you away when you look at them too deeply

Eyes that are pools of mesmerizing dark liquid;

Eyes that want so much

Eyes that search

Eyes contented and kind

Eyes that smile willingly

Eyes that stare back

Wisdom from Avatar

The 3 most powerful words … ” I SEE YOU “  that should be uttered.

I SEE YOU is to mean :

I REALLY SEE WHO YOU ARE

I AM WILLING TO LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND

I AM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND YOU

I AM ALIGNING TO CONNECT WITH YOU

I OPEN MYSELF TO YOU so we may be on the same wavelength, so you may cast your defensiveness aside, so you may breathe as we are equal.

I SEE YOU so you may see me too.

From ‘Be’ to ‘Being’ – my condensation from Osho

P.s – guys, fucshia is the new ‘in’.

AVATAR & THE INDIAN MAN

After crying my eyes out watching Avatar in 3D ( don’t laugh) outside Cathay on a sunny saturday, this Sikh man in a huge turban comes up to me as i’m juggling my ciggarette, iphone and blackberry checking smses.

He tells me something about how he can see i’m like a princess ( guffawwwww… i see  myself as a warrior for god’s sake… -1 score to him) and that i have many many sadness.. and all my planning and thinking ( how does he know my job?!) is not good for my heart..

And my mind is going… must be the iphone in my left hand and the blackberry in my right that is giving this off… plus i’ve balled my eyes out during the movie.. and i’m so not in the mood for this right now.. i’m trying to be ‘happy’…

BTW – i’m half sikh. .so no discrimination at play here.

The truth is, i’ve heard this before told to me. By a tarot card reader, by reading Osho, signs by lots of other things that flow back to me. And i know that while we’ve stopped listening to our hearts a long time ago after heartbreaks and bad decisions.. i know that once you’ve reached a stage, it is crucial to not let your mind overpower your heart.

I do believe it. The irony is this Sikh man nicely dressed was telling me something i already knew. And with whatever that is going on with my life now, i live it, wholeheartedly.

So i told him.. thank you, but i am good. And he says ‘but you are very very sad in your personal life’. To which i replied smiling.. ( ensuring i did smile) ‘No, i am actually very  glad in my life, but thank you’.. and with that touched his shoulder as a goodbye and walked off.

So now i wonder, was he a messenger where i cut off his intended full detailed message .. where there was more for me to find out? But it felt SOOOO GOOOOOD to be able to have look at him fully and realise you did not need to hear anything he had to say..

I wonder.

DESIRE & DISTRAUGHT

Amazing how they are sometimes the same.. no?

When you’ve chased enough

You’ve sacrificed, worked hard at your career, at yourself projection, at expectations, at obligations that you define yourself. You’ve done all that. Poured energy, time, sweat, tears, frustrations, accomplishments at work, at projects, at building a home or at building a family, or making others comfortable. And then you feel this ‘thing’. Something wide, something huge, something incredibly beyond logic. Something is missing.

You’ve chased and thought you found them. The things you needed to prove, to do, to achieve. You’ve kinda done all that. In your own ways. And yet, why is something still missing.

And then suddenly, you catch a glimpse of it. But you’re not sure whether its real. Can it last. This self knowing. Can you sustain it. Because it helps you make sense of everything else without the mind. But make sense because it just is.

So you’ve decided it’s not about chasing anymore. It’s about knowing.

OK, it’s one of those dark nights…

An outside persona

To uphold control

An inside of darkness

To suppress visibleness

A  questioning

On the mask of life

The greyness between right and wrong

A need for the stillness of the heart

An unfeeling heart

A non heart

A no heart

A non

Anon, anon, anonymous in person

Anonymous in soul

For there is non

To uphold

A cycle of 6 years

A cycle of 5

A cycle of 4

A cycle of 19 years

A cycle.. continous circle

Of keeping things at bay

Distractions

Concentrations

Life is how best to distract oneself

To search, to question, to fury, to impassion oneself

All distractions

To disappear

Away away anon anon

Away anon

No connections

Just observations

Just observing

Between me and god

Or is god an excuse to not feel alone

No black hole

No intensity

Or risk the intensity

Forget the desires

Just live crazily

No commitments

No expectations

A fool of oneself

As human nature doesn’t allow a solitary life

It’s not in its very existence

Best then to de-alive

De-living

Self Answers

 

It feels timely, its time

When the signs keep on coming

Permanence to impermanence

Transition to action

When the gap widens

When the heart tightens

When it’s tomorrow to happen

If not then, the next day beckons

Same fate just beholden

But happen, will happen

Shall i test it, to prevent it

From taking too long, just tempt it

Whether rightly or wrongly

It matters not, just justly

Whatever that is meant to be

Will be, but better steel me

To coldness, to bitterness

I do not want

So shall i hunt away

To another land

Where senses are muted

Know Thyself

pix by permission from veer.com new cool images - very nice stuff

I paid AUD400 eight years ago in Melbourne in a Melbourne Career Counselling session to figure out what i wanted to do.Thanks to the techonology today, instead of paying the dough and spending a nerve wrecking time in a counselor’s office, i’ve gone through all of them, and here are 2 sites you can go into and get a pretty good analysis of yourself and what your strengths or weakness are.

THE TEST

First, go to site below - it’s a  jung personality test ( FREE ).  Note down the final results, especially the percentages difference. This tells you an overall 4 characters of what your essense is.

http://similarminds.com/jung.html

BEST PLACE TO READ TYPE

Then head on to http://www.personalitypage.com/high-level.html

Look for your 4 characters – and click onto details. A whole world awaits you.

Have a great enlightening moment.